As a rejoinder to your newest environmental journalism (!) where you make the mistake of all journalists (focus on the blood story) (though, to be fair, it’s been quite a while since “blame it on the red man” has been used, so that’s almost interesting,)
You focus on 5 dead slime darts.
Speared by hand.
As if this is newsworthy!
Meanwhile: This dude (see link below) now runs things! This dude who says it is heretical (and this fool actually means it) to say that humans can change the environment because only god can do that. So we shouldn’t even worry about it, because to claim so is sinning. Scientists are sinners. And so are you, if you recycle and drive less.
I would humbly and soberly sound the alarm on our new senate leader for environment and public works, James Inhofe.
Delusional jimmy will now chair the committee that funds the EPA.
Delusional jimmy says:
“Well actually the Genesis 8:22 that I use in there is that ‘as long as the earth remains there will be seed time and harvest, cold and heat, winter and summer, day and night,’ my point is, God’s still up there. The arrogance of people to think that we, human beings, would be able to change what He is doing in the climate is to me outrageous.”
So, you see, we have no need to worry! God is changing the environment. God’s in control, and he’ll give all those tiny savages in Malaysia fins and gills when the time comes. Meanwhile, they can keep making our nikes! Hurray!
And those 5 slime darts? Just as god planned.
We are all so fortunate to be dripping with such grace at this holiest time of the year.
And he runs the senate on environment, as of January, 2015.
The ancient Greeks would’ve laughed this dude out of his seat, 4000 years ago.
Watch what he has to say. And what he does.
Keep an eye on this bitch.
Because he’s gonna fuck with you.
P.S. if you have any worries that we may regress back to our heathen, prideful, scientific ways and undo some of the blessings which we will be bestowed by god through delusional jimmy, have no fear. Faith, my friends! Ted Cruz is likely to head the senate committee on science, commerce and transportation.